GALLERY

You are in our renowned Gallery. Feel free to employ these gems at any given opportunity. If you feel you would like to see anything included, please contact us.

Shut The Fuck Up.
The King Of Put Downs. We've over-thrown Cabinets and Constitutions with this small, tight and pert retort.

You Fucking Twat.
No real footnote needed for this common old favorite. The initial choice for many of our clients, it is often used in conjunction with the above and remains the most common choice for our men in the field at any given time. Apart from the sound of semi, or automatic machine gun fire, this is the most recognized sound-bite throughout the world. Agents in foreign postings have found that uttering this gem in a loud and distasteful manner serves far more effectively than either a firm handshake or a small and respectful nod of the head when meeting dignitaries and other officials the for the first time.

See this? Kiss it.
What a fine phrase ... packed with all the punch that one expects from a heavy-weight put down.
This four-word wizard is best employed in front of a group of people, as the agent must point to his or her buttocks before firing off the last two words. It came into being around 10 years ago, when the phrase 'Kiss My Arse' was withdrawn from active service due to technical problems under certain conditions. Agent's had become fond of the former, and for forty days and nights our men worked around the clock to tailor the original saying into something that could be used in modern theatres of war.

They didn't let us down..


Shit Off: I'm Fucked: We're Closed.
Probably the most famous example we've come across, this is recommended for management Agents in a retail or shopping environment when no argument or response is desired or expected from those working for them. This particular expression was developed, as many are, after an intoxicating mixture of alcohol and narcotics, favored by Insult Guerillas throughout the world when developing retorts and replies. There is simply no reply to this one, largely due to the fact that it uses signage as it's medium, and not the spoken word. Hence, the agent is usually long gone by the time the recipient gets the message, normally left on a shop or restaurant door that will not open that day due to the owner/keyholder/manager agent being severely intoxicated. An effective - if not a little strong - phrase, which is usually the final and definitive put down, left on a shop or office door when the agent does not intend to attend employment that day.

To be used sparingly, this is a beautiful landmine of a message.


Your Mother Owes My Dog Fuck Money.
This is a recent phrase that has fallen into our hands in the last few days. We advise using this sparingley, as the recipient will normally retort with either violence, or, if he is a subscriber to this site, an equally good put-down. Beware. It's one of the most specialist and acute retorts we've come across, due to the fact the range supercedes most of the recipients vital organs and goes straight to the heart. We held boardroom discussions all last night regarding this insult and it's publication on this site, and we await reports of it's usage. To our knowledge, no agent has ever used it in the arena of put-downs.

Let us know how you get on.


See How Effortlessly You Cunt Yourself.
A beautiful turn of phrase which was used widely in Sierra Leone and other conflict areas. It's now used almost exclusively by a woman we have identified; a veteran agent in South East Asia.

Get To The Kitchen Woman And Cook The Man Some Fucking Eggs.
Direct, to the point, and an additional bonus if a selection of eggs is actually required. It is widely used in New Zealand and we are getting unconfirmed reports of it's usage in Hong Kong.

A disturbing development which we will endeavor to keep across.

I Shit You Not You Freak.
A recent retort which has fallen into our hands in the last few days. According to reports, this was used frequently in the United Kingdom during high-fire domestic situations as many as fifteen years ago. Rumour has it that this was often used against children, which, according to our guidelines and Rules of Engagement is something we would refrain from doing at all costs.

You Fat Cunt.
All the judges agreed that Mike Tyson was simply out-boxed by current world heavyweight holder Lennox Lewis during his last bout. The fight drew millions and ended in the eighth round, when Mike 'Iron' Tyson was counted out by the referee after a particulary nasty jab to the jaw. However, what spectators around the world failed to notice was Lennox uttering a few key words as that jab connected. Slow down the replay of this final punch of the match and you will see Lennox's lips move as the jab connects. It's hard to decipher what he's actually saying due to his gumshield, but he employed Shut The Fuck Up to work with him in the final few weeks leading up to the bout. Lip readers amongst you will see that as that final punch is thrown, Lewis utters the immortal line "You Fat Cunt."

That left jab might have been hard, but it was those choice words that kept 'Iron' Mike on the canvas.


Piss!
A pure beauty. A perfect one syllable sentence that demands - or expects - nothing. It has been used by many an IG and will continue to do so for a long, long time. It's power comes from the way it is pronounced, which should done as violently as possible. What a stunner of a line when used correctly.

F.M.D.
We've been holding onto this sharp and double-edged back-lash for a while now. Perhaps against our better judgement, we now feel ready to release it into the put-down arena. A powerful - yet subtle - three syllable snipe, it's designed to stun any opponent into complete submission. Any veterans in the field will be all too aware that the initials of this stinging and beastial put-down represent the immortal - and usually impossible - words 'Fuck My Dog.'

An unusual line which we feel ready to initiate into the arena of combat